Second Skin
09.28.09The independent film Second Skin just played here at San Francisco’s Red Vic movie house:
Online identities
09.20.09This week’s Virtual Conference on Counseling in Second Life offered a wide variety of topics, not to mention the novelty of a professional conference conducted entirely in a virtual world. I noticed a striking theme that seemed to run through many of the presentations. Here are some examples:
| Posted in General Online Communication, Identity, Reading List, Virtual worlds | 2 Comments »
Email separation anxiety
09.13.09As we’ve grown accustomed to having Internet access at all times, we’ve come to expect and rely on it. So it’s not surprising that when the broadband connection goes down, the 3G network fades out, or the email client is acting up, a certain anxiety can set in. Some psychologists have even coined a whimsical term for it: “discomgoogolation.”
Clinical monitoring of heavy web users revealed their brain activity and blood pressure increased markedly when they were cut off. The stress of being disconnected was equivalent to that of running half an hour late for a key meeting, being about to sit an important exam or, in the worst cases, being sacked.
Couples, online interactions and boundaries
09.6.09What does it mean if a couple decides that online interactions must be mutual—specifically, by rejecting individual email or Twitter/Facebook accounts in favor of a joint account?
“It’s not a matter of distrust,” said Ronda Hodge, 53, of Amesbury, Mass., an ice-cream maker who shares an e-mail address with her husband Tom, 60, a landscaper. “We really don’t have anything to hide from one another. We were friends first before we even dated so we’ve got that level of openness there.”
The article cites two very different scenarios in which a couple might decide to share an account:
- The couple uses their online presence mainly for mutual projects, and having the same account makes this easier.
- The couple has concerns about trust or fidelity, and fears that private online identities could lead to secrets or betrayal.
In any case, this speaks to a larger couples issue. In any relationship, there are parts of your life that move into the shared, common space of the partnership, and other parts that you reserve for your individual, private self. Some of these couples are deciding that online interactions should be in the couple’s space, not in the individual’s. I’m not saying that this choice is good or bad per se, but it’s important to have a larger conversation about couple space vs. private space when this type of issue comes up.
| Posted in Online Dating/Romance, Social Networking, Trust/Privacy | 1 Comment »
Early social networking anxiety
09.2.09I remember how it started. Emails began showing up: “Alfred E. Neuman would like to invite you to join Facebook! Just click here to begin.” A couple, then a handful, then dozens. Clearly, there was a wave rolling in; did I want to catch it? Initially, the answer was, “Not really.” That is, until I was informed of a Facebook group forming around therapists who’d worked at the same clinic. It seemed like a good professional connection, so I signed up.
That was on what I came to call Facebook Day. It deserves its own title, because I was unprepared for the (over-)stimulating experience of learning my way around a vast online social network—and for some of the anxiety that can come from the phenomenon known as “friending.”
Navigating conflicts by email
08.30.09For a long time, I would advise people never to hold emotionally charged conversations by email, because the lack of nonverbal or even vocal cues in a typed message remove too much crucial information from the communication.
My thinking is a little more nuanced now, and it’s useful to consider both the benefits and the shortcomings of email, especially when you’re trying to work through an interpersonal conflict. If you’re feeling angry, anxious or overly negative about a problem with another person, you should consider some of the unique aspects of email and decide whether this method of communication is right for your situation.
Two Tin Cans, and the string that connects them.
08.30.09I’ve been interested in the nature of online interactions since long before I became a therapist.
In the mid-90′s, I found myself working in technical support for a media company near San Francisco. Increasingly, I had been called upon to acquaint various employees with this new communication fad called The Internet. On one occasion, I was teaching a mid-level manager about online discussion groups around common interests, and we found a relevant chat room.
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